#AUTISMACCEPTANCE: FINDING FREEDOM IN AUTISTIC PARENTING
by S.R. Salas
Set Them Free
I’ve always loved the saying, “If you love someone, set them free.” I used to relate it to heartbreak, which gives it a tinge of sadness but now, for me, there is another way to see it and that is the way in which I use it for myself as an individual and also a way in which I parent my kids. Not in a literal sense. Let me state clearly that I keep a very close eye on my kids, freedom to run amuck and do as they please is not the type of freedom I’m speaking of. I “set them free” in a more figurative sense, to allow them space to grow into the people they want to become. As a parent to Autistic children, that’s quite a challenge because the word on the street is that our kids shouldn’t be allowed the luxury of that type of freedom.
It’s unfortunate, but more often than not an autism diagnosis and its accompanying paperwork fills a heart with fear, a head with worry over “missed milestones” and “closed windows,” and a calendar with therapies, interventions, support groups, and more.
As an advocate I see parents struggle emotionally and financially to ensure nothing is missed, no stone left unturned, hoping to ensure their child will fit with peers early on, employing whatever therapies necessary to erase as many “behaviors” as possible so their child will not be seen as Autistic. My heart aches for these children and for the pressure their parents must feel to conform to the rigid idea of “normal” that society pushes upon us. READ MORE
by S.R. Salas
Set Them Free
I’ve always loved the saying, “If you love someone, set them free.” I used to relate it to heartbreak, which gives it a tinge of sadness but now, for me, there is another way to see it and that is the way in which I use it for myself as an individual and also a way in which I parent my kids. Not in a literal sense. Let me state clearly that I keep a very close eye on my kids, freedom to run amuck and do as they please is not the type of freedom I’m speaking of. I “set them free” in a more figurative sense, to allow them space to grow into the people they want to become. As a parent to Autistic children, that’s quite a challenge because the word on the street is that our kids shouldn’t be allowed the luxury of that type of freedom.
It’s unfortunate, but more often than not an autism diagnosis and its accompanying paperwork fills a heart with fear, a head with worry over “missed milestones” and “closed windows,” and a calendar with therapies, interventions, support groups, and more.
As an advocate I see parents struggle emotionally and financially to ensure nothing is missed, no stone left unturned, hoping to ensure their child will fit with peers early on, employing whatever therapies necessary to erase as many “behaviors” as possible so their child will not be seen as Autistic. My heart aches for these children and for the pressure their parents must feel to conform to the rigid idea of “normal” that society pushes upon us. READ MORE
I am a Mother (Part 1)
by Tiny Grace Notes
Layenie, my wife, is a pediatric nurse. In the US, RNs are trained to be proficient at all kinds of nursing and prepared for whatever comes up. In the UK, where she was first educated in the nursing profession, candidates must choose a field of specialization, and Layenie chose pediatrics. Consequently I feel very comfortable asking her questions about the health and development of our young sons. They will turn one in January and are ahhh they are soooo adorable. You can see them on my profile here, and another pic on the Tiny Grace Notes Facebook Community, and a ton of pics on my own FB page, oh and you can see Layenie on my Twitter... but I digress. I might be digressing because the beginning of this post hurts a little to say.
It was the other evening, and I had been staying home with the boys, which I do once a week, because, you know, child care costs a lot, and also, as I said, adorable. Benjy was doing this thing with his hand which is very like something I also do with my own hand, so this is what I said, and although I am not usually able to hear myself, I can derive a proper quote from the ensuing conversation:
Ib: "See what Benjy's doing with his hand there....Is that OK?" READ MORE
by Tiny Grace Notes
Layenie, my wife, is a pediatric nurse. In the US, RNs are trained to be proficient at all kinds of nursing and prepared for whatever comes up. In the UK, where she was first educated in the nursing profession, candidates must choose a field of specialization, and Layenie chose pediatrics. Consequently I feel very comfortable asking her questions about the health and development of our young sons. They will turn one in January and are ahhh they are soooo adorable. You can see them on my profile here, and another pic on the Tiny Grace Notes Facebook Community, and a ton of pics on my own FB page, oh and you can see Layenie on my Twitter... but I digress. I might be digressing because the beginning of this post hurts a little to say.
It was the other evening, and I had been staying home with the boys, which I do once a week, because, you know, child care costs a lot, and also, as I said, adorable. Benjy was doing this thing with his hand which is very like something I also do with my own hand, so this is what I said, and although I am not usually able to hear myself, I can derive a proper quote from the ensuing conversation:
Ib: "See what Benjy's doing with his hand there....Is that OK?" READ MORE
Blending in & being nonconfrontational...
by Autism, It's all in the family
So, I'm an Aspie. I'm a master at trying to blend into the wall and not be noticed. *see entire middle to high school educational years followed by years of college spent trying to NOT be seen by anyone. Ever.*
Well, my son Screech isn't as big on blending in as I am. He is a unique little drummer who wants to play his own brand of music for all the world to hear...and see...and smell...and feel...etc, etc, ad nauseum. Let's just say he's loud and he's proud and he talks a lot...at a volume that can be heard from space. *Hello, up there! How's it going at the space station, Russian dudes? I know you can't understand him but trust me when I say you probably wouldn't want to even if you could. He's loudest when he's complaining.* READ MORE
by Autism, It's all in the family
So, I'm an Aspie. I'm a master at trying to blend into the wall and not be noticed. *see entire middle to high school educational years followed by years of college spent trying to NOT be seen by anyone. Ever.*
Well, my son Screech isn't as big on blending in as I am. He is a unique little drummer who wants to play his own brand of music for all the world to hear...and see...and smell...and feel...etc, etc, ad nauseum. Let's just say he's loud and he's proud and he talks a lot...at a volume that can be heard from space. *Hello, up there! How's it going at the space station, Russian dudes? I know you can't understand him but trust me when I say you probably wouldn't want to even if you could. He's loudest when he's complaining.* READ MORE
Gravity Pulls You In
by John Elder Robison
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to raise a kid with special needs? I have. You’d think I’d know, since I was a kid with special needs myself. I have Asperger’s syndrome, a form of autism. The autism spectrum encompasses a wide range of conditions from total disability to mild eccentricity. I’m fortunate to be at the less-impaired end of the spectrum.
The one thing all of us have in common is some degree of social impairment. We may also have speech, coordination, learning, and health issues. Most of the kids who populate Gravity Pulls You In have some kind of autism. READ MORE
by John Elder Robison
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to raise a kid with special needs? I have. You’d think I’d know, since I was a kid with special needs myself. I have Asperger’s syndrome, a form of autism. The autism spectrum encompasses a wide range of conditions from total disability to mild eccentricity. I’m fortunate to be at the less-impaired end of the spectrum.
The one thing all of us have in common is some degree of social impairment. We may also have speech, coordination, learning, and health issues. Most of the kids who populate Gravity Pulls You In have some kind of autism. READ MORE
Keep In Pocket
by Lemon Peel
This was a conversation that happened in one of the threads on jess’ diary of a mom facebook page. it was in a public area, but since i don’t know the other women in it personally, and they don’t necessarily know this blog, i blacked out everyone’s last names (mine included) and gave us all cute little colored ovals instead of profile pictures.
most of the time, talking to people about problems that are hard, and complicated, it just doesn’t go well. especially when it’s the kind of situation where it’s not hard for someone to take someone clearly, but politely, critiquing them and interpret it all as a personal attack. and especially, especially, when you’re trying to discuss how someone is parenting their child. their autistic child. so often it can be so hard. hurt everywhere all over everyone.
but it isn’t always so hard. it does not have to hurt.
miraculous things happen sometimes. READ MORE
by Lemon Peel
This was a conversation that happened in one of the threads on jess’ diary of a mom facebook page. it was in a public area, but since i don’t know the other women in it personally, and they don’t necessarily know this blog, i blacked out everyone’s last names (mine included) and gave us all cute little colored ovals instead of profile pictures.
most of the time, talking to people about problems that are hard, and complicated, it just doesn’t go well. especially when it’s the kind of situation where it’s not hard for someone to take someone clearly, but politely, critiquing them and interpret it all as a personal attack. and especially, especially, when you’re trying to discuss how someone is parenting their child. their autistic child. so often it can be so hard. hurt everywhere all over everyone.
but it isn’t always so hard. it does not have to hurt.
miraculous things happen sometimes. READ MORE
On the Stigma Autistic Parents Face
by Creigh at Autism Spectrum Explained
Caley called me in tears four months ago. She’d stumbled upon a post online where the person was arguing that Autistic people would be terrible parents. The full post tried to rationalize why autistic people shouldn’t be parents, through “logic.” I think the first sentence of the post – “I am not saying you would be an unacceptable mother and compared to having no mother or having a violent mother a mother who simply does not care about their kids I think a loving, autistic mother is a good alternative.” – kind of says everything. Maybe if she hadn’t been told growing up that being Autistic would make her an incompetent mother, this wouldn’t have hurt so much. After all, this is the Internet and people make highly offensive claims about subjects they know nothing about all the time.
But to someone who grew up exposed to the narrative Caley did, this hit home. So instead of brushing the author off as a troll or typing out an angry reply, she turned their words inward. “Is it true? Would I really be a bad mother?” she asked me, voice trembling. “Because if I would then I need to know so I don’t have children.” We were spiraling downward, and Caley was right back on the path she’d trodden for so many years, the one where she was going to try to convince herself, again, that she didn’t actually want or even like babies. Far better to believe a lie than to feel the pain of reality. READ MORE
by Creigh at Autism Spectrum Explained
Caley called me in tears four months ago. She’d stumbled upon a post online where the person was arguing that Autistic people would be terrible parents. The full post tried to rationalize why autistic people shouldn’t be parents, through “logic.” I think the first sentence of the post – “I am not saying you would be an unacceptable mother and compared to having no mother or having a violent mother a mother who simply does not care about their kids I think a loving, autistic mother is a good alternative.” – kind of says everything. Maybe if she hadn’t been told growing up that being Autistic would make her an incompetent mother, this wouldn’t have hurt so much. After all, this is the Internet and people make highly offensive claims about subjects they know nothing about all the time.
But to someone who grew up exposed to the narrative Caley did, this hit home. So instead of brushing the author off as a troll or typing out an angry reply, she turned their words inward. “Is it true? Would I really be a bad mother?” she asked me, voice trembling. “Because if I would then I need to know so I don’t have children.” We were spiraling downward, and Caley was right back on the path she’d trodden for so many years, the one where she was going to try to convince herself, again, that she didn’t actually want or even like babies. Far better to believe a lie than to feel the pain of reality. READ MORE
