In order to help parents/peers understand behaviors that the autistic people in their lives might engage in, this page explains several areas (stimming, self-injurious behaviors, melt-downs, and special interests) from the point of view of the autistic person. Though we may attempt to understand what's going on through observation, we cannot hope to truly do so save through reading the writings of the people who have actually experienced these things - autistic people themselves.
Though there is a tendency to look at some behaviors as different, strange, and something that only autistic people engage in, the following poem really throws things into perspective:
Language of Us/Them
By Mayer Shevin
We like things
They fixate on objects
We try to make friends
They display attention seeking behavior
We take breaks
They display off task behavior
We stand up for ourselves
They are non-compliant
We have hobbies
They self-stim
We choose our friends wisely
They display poor peer socialization
We persevere
They perseverate
We like people
They have dependencies on people
We go for a walk
They run away
We insist
They tantrum
We change our minds
They are disoriented and have short attention spans
We have talents
They have splinter skills
We are human
They are . . . ?
Though there is a tendency to look at some behaviors as different, strange, and something that only autistic people engage in, the following poem really throws things into perspective:
Language of Us/Them
By Mayer Shevin
We like things
They fixate on objects
We try to make friends
They display attention seeking behavior
We take breaks
They display off task behavior
We stand up for ourselves
They are non-compliant
We have hobbies
They self-stim
We choose our friends wisely
They display poor peer socialization
We persevere
They perseverate
We like people
They have dependencies on people
We go for a walk
They run away
We insist
They tantrum
We change our minds
They are disoriented and have short attention spans
We have talents
They have splinter skills
We are human
They are . . . ?
Adult Responses to Autistic Children Leads to Escalation or Calm by Mama Be Good
An adult's response to an autistic child's upset is the single, most important factor in whether the child's upset is escalated or calmed. We must remain calm. We must understand - at a gut level - that the child's reaction - whether to yell, hit, bite, or flail - is frustration and that is all. "Disorientation is one of the least bearable of all psychological experiences" (Neufeld & Maté). Our children are disoriented by their emotions, frustrated by communication. It is not personal. It is not hate. It is merely frustration.
When we begin to feel overwhelming emotions in response to our children's actions - like sadness, upset, anger, fear, or resentment - we need to calm ourselves for the immediate moment. However you need to do that - by breathing, talking to yourself, repeating a mantra. For the long-term, you will need to do the hard work of exploring those feelings and the reasons behind them. READ MORE
An adult's response to an autistic child's upset is the single, most important factor in whether the child's upset is escalated or calmed. We must remain calm. We must understand - at a gut level - that the child's reaction - whether to yell, hit, bite, or flail - is frustration and that is all. "Disorientation is one of the least bearable of all psychological experiences" (Neufeld & Maté). Our children are disoriented by their emotions, frustrated by communication. It is not personal. It is not hate. It is merely frustration.
When we begin to feel overwhelming emotions in response to our children's actions - like sadness, upset, anger, fear, or resentment - we need to calm ourselves for the immediate moment. However you need to do that - by breathing, talking to yourself, repeating a mantra. For the long-term, you will need to do the hard work of exploring those feelings and the reasons behind them. READ MORE
in their own words
stimming
But what is stimming anyway? From What-Is-Stimming.Org
Well, the term “stimming” is short for “self-stimulation.” And a “stim” is any self-stimulating behavior. Maybe you’d like a nice simple official definition. Merriam-Webster’s medical dictionary defines self-stimulation as:
self-stimulation (n) \ˈself-ˌstim-yə-ˈlā-shən\
stimulation of oneself as a result of one’s own activity or behavior
But really, how much does that help? READ MORE
Well, the term “stimming” is short for “self-stimulation.” And a “stim” is any self-stimulating behavior. Maybe you’d like a nice simple official definition. Merriam-Webster’s medical dictionary defines self-stimulation as:
self-stimulation (n) \ˈself-ˌstim-yə-ˈlā-shən\
stimulation of oneself as a result of one’s own activity or behavior
But really, how much does that help? READ MORE
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We are not in our own world by Judy Endow
We need to be careful about how we think about and talk about people with disabilities. One example is the reference that those who are autistic or deaf or blind or have some sort of movement differences are “in their own world.”
The fact is we all share the very same world. But we also all try to make sense out of the world we live in. One way we all make sense of what we see in other people is to assign meaning to what we see according to what it would mean if we were engaging in that behavior. Most of the time this strategy serves us well (Endow, 2013). READ MORE
We need to be careful about how we think about and talk about people with disabilities. One example is the reference that those who are autistic or deaf or blind or have some sort of movement differences are “in their own world.”
The fact is we all share the very same world. But we also all try to make sense out of the world we live in. One way we all make sense of what we see in other people is to assign meaning to what we see according to what it would mean if we were engaging in that behavior. Most of the time this strategy serves us well (Endow, 2013). READ MORE
A Checklist for Identifying Sources of Aggression by We Are Like Your Child
One of the most frequent and difficult parental concerns that we see in the autism community is that of aggressive behavior on the part of a child or teenager.Caring parents are often frustrated at not being able to discern the source of their child’s distress, or worry that while they can handle the physical outbursts of a small
child, they won’t know what to do when a child is older and larger.
Several of us at We Are Like Your Child have personal experience with anger and aggression, or with children who do.
The following is a checklist of questions to address when trying to identify the source of and alleviate aggression on the part of an autistic child or adult.It does not necessarily include every possibility, but is a preliminary checklist of, in our experience, some major primary issues that are likely to be related to behavior observed as aggression on the part of an autistic person. (To some extent, many of these issues can be related to self-injury as well.) READ MORE
One of the most frequent and difficult parental concerns that we see in the autism community is that of aggressive behavior on the part of a child or teenager.Caring parents are often frustrated at not being able to discern the source of their child’s distress, or worry that while they can handle the physical outbursts of a small
child, they won’t know what to do when a child is older and larger.
Several of us at We Are Like Your Child have personal experience with anger and aggression, or with children who do.
The following is a checklist of questions to address when trying to identify the source of and alleviate aggression on the part of an autistic child or adult.It does not necessarily include every possibility, but is a preliminary checklist of, in our experience, some major primary issues that are likely to be related to behavior observed as aggression on the part of an autistic person. (To some extent, many of these issues can be related to self-injury as well.) READ MORE
meltdowns
Meltdown by Autisticook
It was just after the first exercise in the mindfulness for autistic adults group. One of the women in the group was sitting with her head down and if you looked closely, you could see that she was crying. When the therapist asked her a question about how she’d experienced the exercise, she didn’t respond at all. It was like she wasn’t listening, wasn’t even there. She just kept rocking back and forth with tears running down her cheeks.
The therapist asked if she wanted to be left alone and that, after a slight delay, actually got a response: some vigorous nodding that seemed like an extension of the rocking, but was probably meant as a yes. The rest of the group then continued with talking about the exercise we’d just done. READ MORE
It was just after the first exercise in the mindfulness for autistic adults group. One of the women in the group was sitting with her head down and if you looked closely, you could see that she was crying. When the therapist asked her a question about how she’d experienced the exercise, she didn’t respond at all. It was like she wasn’t listening, wasn’t even there. She just kept rocking back and forth with tears running down her cheeks.
The therapist asked if she wanted to be left alone and that, after a slight delay, actually got a response: some vigorous nodding that seemed like an extension of the rocking, but was probably meant as a yes. The rest of the group then continued with talking about the exercise we’d just done. READ MORE
Anatomy of a Meltdown
by Musings of an Aspie
Last weekend, I had a meltdown and the next morning I tried to capture some scattered impressions of it to share. I’ve purposely left this raw and unedited, the way it unspooled in my head, to give you a feel for how chaotic a meltdown can be. While meltdowns are different for everyone, this is how I experience them.
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A meltdown can go one of two ways: explosion | implosion. READ MORE
by Musings of an Aspie
Last weekend, I had a meltdown and the next morning I tried to capture some scattered impressions of it to share. I’ve purposely left this raw and unedited, the way it unspooled in my head, to give you a feel for how chaotic a meltdown can be. While meltdowns are different for everyone, this is how I experience them.
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A meltdown can go one of two ways: explosion | implosion. READ MORE
Meltdowns Can Be Silent
by Caley at Autism Spectrum Explained
"I’m attending a workshop about autism this week, and as I’m sitting there the presenter is talking about ‘rage behaviors’ for people on the spectrum during meltdowns. She lists a number of behaviors I’m perfectly familiar with…and gets to one that throws me.
Internalized behaviors. She says that, though our image of meltdowns is of external behaviors – shouting, throwing things, etc – some people get quiet. They’ll just go and hide under the desk and direct their rage at themselves instead of the world." READ MORE
by Caley at Autism Spectrum Explained
"I’m attending a workshop about autism this week, and as I’m sitting there the presenter is talking about ‘rage behaviors’ for people on the spectrum during meltdowns. She lists a number of behaviors I’m perfectly familiar with…and gets to one that throws me.
Internalized behaviors. She says that, though our image of meltdowns is of external behaviors – shouting, throwing things, etc – some people get quiet. They’ll just go and hide under the desk and direct their rage at themselves instead of the world." READ MORE
Anger (From a Comment Left on Diary):
Some really great exercises and printables about ways to control anger here that I think your son may benefit from. The bonus, of course, is they use Angry Birds for the metaphors. http://thehometeacher.org/2012/02/dont-be-an-angry-bird-free-printables.html
Some really great exercises and printables about ways to control anger here that I think your son may benefit from. The bonus, of course, is they use Angry Birds for the metaphors. http://thehometeacher.org/2012/02/dont-be-an-angry-bird-free-printables.html
self-injurious behaviors
Self Injurious Behaviors by It's Bridget's Word
Self Injurious Behaviors. The magic trump card to stop down any conversation about autism. Three words loaded with emotion for anyone who loves an autistic. You want to protect the ones you love. In this case, the one you love and want to protect is also the very same person who is hurting the one you love and want to protect. It’s heartbreaking and confusing. I get that. I promise.
Self injurious behaviors (SIBs) are often cited by those who view autism as a tragedy. Their child’s autism causes him to engage in SIBs, and they would do anything to make the autism that causes their child to hurt himself for no apparent reason to go away. Personally, I have been told I am “so high functioning” I cannot possibly understand, but I do understand because I am an autistic who engages in self injurious behaviors. I’m a head banging, skin biting, hair pulling, mystery bruise getting autistic. I see SIBs from the inside out, and while I can’t vouch for other autistics, for me, the awful part of SIBs is seeing the pain it causes those who care about me. This hurts more than any physical pain. It even hurts more than the root causes that drive me to SIB in the first place. READ MORE
Self Injurious Behaviors. The magic trump card to stop down any conversation about autism. Three words loaded with emotion for anyone who loves an autistic. You want to protect the ones you love. In this case, the one you love and want to protect is also the very same person who is hurting the one you love and want to protect. It’s heartbreaking and confusing. I get that. I promise.
Self injurious behaviors (SIBs) are often cited by those who view autism as a tragedy. Their child’s autism causes him to engage in SIBs, and they would do anything to make the autism that causes their child to hurt himself for no apparent reason to go away. Personally, I have been told I am “so high functioning” I cannot possibly understand, but I do understand because I am an autistic who engages in self injurious behaviors. I’m a head banging, skin biting, hair pulling, mystery bruise getting autistic. I see SIBs from the inside out, and while I can’t vouch for other autistics, for me, the awful part of SIBs is seeing the pain it causes those who care about me. This hurts more than any physical pain. It even hurts more than the root causes that drive me to SIB in the first place. READ MORE
"Self-Injurious Behaviors"~Let’s Discuss by Emma's Hope Book
(neurotypical parent written, but includes MANY autistic sources throughout
"I’m continuing to research SIBs, which stands for “self-injurious behaviors”. It’s far too complex a topic to tackle in a quick 800 – 1000 word post. There are a number of topics it seems important to discuss, which all fall under the heading of “self-injurious behavior.” (Feel free to add more in the comments section, this is definitely a work in progress.) I’ve broken these topics down to include:
(neurotypical parent written, but includes MANY autistic sources throughout
"I’m continuing to research SIBs, which stands for “self-injurious behaviors”. It’s far too complex a topic to tackle in a quick 800 – 1000 word post. There are a number of topics it seems important to discuss, which all fall under the heading of “self-injurious behavior.” (Feel free to add more in the comments section, this is definitely a work in progress.) I’ve broken these topics down to include:
- The language we use to describe such actions.
- The perception (usually of neurotypical parents, caregivers, doctors, school employees, educators and the general public) of what these actions may or may not mean, this is particularly critical when the person taking such actions is partially speaking or non-speaking.
- The personal experiences of those who have engaged in such actions that may or may not lead to real injury. READ MORE
The Obsessive Joy of Autism by Just Stimming...
I am autistic. I can talk; I talked to myself for a long time before I would talk to anyone else. My sensory system is a painful mess, my grasp on language isn’t always the best, and it takes me quite some time to process social situations. I cannot yet live on my own or manage college or relationships successfully. I can explain, bemoan, and wish away a lot of things about me and my autism: my troubles finding the right words to say what I really mean, my social processing lag and limits, my rubbery facial expressions, my anxiety, my sensory system’s dysfunctions, my brain’s tendency to get stuck in physical self-destruct mode and land me in the ER. I can complain about the suckiness of being socialized and educated as an autistic and as an outsider, about lack of supports and understanding and always needing to educate.
One of the things about autism is that a lot of things can make you terribly unhappy while barely affecting others. A lot of things are harder.
But some things? Some things are so much easier. Sometimes being autistic means that you get to be incredibly happy. And then you get to flap. You get to perseverate. You get to have just about the coolest obsessions. (Mine are: sudoku and Glee. I am not ashamed.) READ MORE
I am autistic. I can talk; I talked to myself for a long time before I would talk to anyone else. My sensory system is a painful mess, my grasp on language isn’t always the best, and it takes me quite some time to process social situations. I cannot yet live on my own or manage college or relationships successfully. I can explain, bemoan, and wish away a lot of things about me and my autism: my troubles finding the right words to say what I really mean, my social processing lag and limits, my rubbery facial expressions, my anxiety, my sensory system’s dysfunctions, my brain’s tendency to get stuck in physical self-destruct mode and land me in the ER. I can complain about the suckiness of being socialized and educated as an autistic and as an outsider, about lack of supports and understanding and always needing to educate.
One of the things about autism is that a lot of things can make you terribly unhappy while barely affecting others. A lot of things are harder.
But some things? Some things are so much easier. Sometimes being autistic means that you get to be incredibly happy. And then you get to flap. You get to perseverate. You get to have just about the coolest obsessions. (Mine are: sudoku and Glee. I am not ashamed.) READ MORE