For many non-autistic people, hearing the word autism brings to mind pictures of Rainman, or maybe Temple Grandin. For parents of children newly diagnosed, the word carries with it feelings of fear, sadness, loss, confusion. This perception is not helped by autism organizations where the fundraising push is rooted in doom/gloom messages that do NOT help, but actually cause more harm from the fear/panic/depression that parents then experience because the loudest messages they hear are those of fear and hopelessness.
Autism is not all sunshine and rainbows, but it's not all misery either. It's life - "messy, challenging, glorious" life (thanks Diary of a Mom). We who are not autistic need to listen to those who ARE - regardless of how they communicate - and hear their multi-faceted stories: the challenges, the triumphs, the day to day, the pride, the passion, the joys, and the sadness - the REALITY from those who live it.
Autism is not all sunshine and rainbows, but it's not all misery either. It's life - "messy, challenging, glorious" life (thanks Diary of a Mom). We who are not autistic need to listen to those who ARE - regardless of how they communicate - and hear their multi-faceted stories: the challenges, the triumphs, the day to day, the pride, the passion, the joys, and the sadness - the REALITY from those who live it.
In their own words
You Don't Look Autistic
by Autscriptic
You don’t look autistic.
Yes I do.
You don’t act autistic though.
Yes I do.
Yeah, but you’re not like “properly” autistic.
Yes I am. READ MORE
by Autscriptic
You don’t look autistic.
Yes I do.
You don’t act autistic though.
Yes I do.
Yeah, but you’re not like “properly” autistic.
Yes I am. READ MORE
One of my children used to eat grass
by Suburban Mama
One of my children used to eat grass. This was a problem because they didn't really eat it - more, shove as much into their mouth as fast as they could and start swallowing it. We worked with our child and have always aimed to be respectful, and they don't eat grass anymore. I was thinking about this and thinking of the various things that could be said from a mainstream autism perspective, had we been a family who had taken up the current norms of autistic support. (Content ableist, cure, and fear language). READ MORE
by Suburban Mama
One of my children used to eat grass. This was a problem because they didn't really eat it - more, shove as much into their mouth as fast as they could and start swallowing it. We worked with our child and have always aimed to be respectful, and they don't eat grass anymore. I was thinking about this and thinking of the various things that could be said from a mainstream autism perspective, had we been a family who had taken up the current norms of autistic support. (Content ableist, cure, and fear language). READ MORE
I am what I am
by Left Brain Right Brain
I can’t hear this song without thinking about my kid. To me, this song represents the future I hope to make. A world where my kid can be accepted.
If you don’t know the song, it’s from the show La Cage aux Folles. It’s based on a non-musical French film by the same name. You may be more familiar with the more recent American adaptation, The Birdcage.
“I am what I am” is sung by the character Albin. In the story, La Cage aux Folles is a drag club and Albin is the star performer. After a very emotional event challenging the value of his identity, Albin sings this song as a statement that he accepts himself for who he is. READ MORE
by Left Brain Right Brain
I can’t hear this song without thinking about my kid. To me, this song represents the future I hope to make. A world where my kid can be accepted.
If you don’t know the song, it’s from the show La Cage aux Folles. It’s based on a non-musical French film by the same name. You may be more familiar with the more recent American adaptation, The Birdcage.
“I am what I am” is sung by the character Albin. In the story, La Cage aux Folles is a drag club and Albin is the star performer. After a very emotional event challenging the value of his identity, Albin sings this song as a statement that he accepts himself for who he is. READ MORE
Lost in conflation — not autism
by A Diary of a Mom
"Why is it that we are so quick to demonize autism — to make it the catch-all for anything difficult in our children’s lives, in our families’ lives; how is it that we are perfectly willing to assign to it anything and everything challenging and yet, when we find something beautiful, we say that is either in spite of autism or gloriously representative of its momentary “absence”?" From Typical, December, 2012 READ MORE
by A Diary of a Mom
"Why is it that we are so quick to demonize autism — to make it the catch-all for anything difficult in our children’s lives, in our families’ lives; how is it that we are perfectly willing to assign to it anything and everything challenging and yet, when we find something beautiful, we say that is either in spite of autism or gloriously representative of its momentary “absence”?" From Typical, December, 2012 READ MORE
I FEEL TIRED
by Amy Sequenzia
Some parents understand that autism is a natural part of some children’s lives and they fight the societal attitudes toward autistics. That’s love. Some parents don’t, and they fight, and hurt, their own children. This is not love and is one of the things that make me very tired.
I feel tired, not because I am in in the middle of a never-ending cycle of seizures and insomnia. I feel tired not because my brain and my body seem to be at war sometimes. I feel tired not because I want to do what might be too much at this moment, when I should be resting. All this is true but what makes me very tired is frustration. READ MORE
by Amy Sequenzia
Some parents understand that autism is a natural part of some children’s lives and they fight the societal attitudes toward autistics. That’s love. Some parents don’t, and they fight, and hurt, their own children. This is not love and is one of the things that make me very tired.
I feel tired, not because I am in in the middle of a never-ending cycle of seizures and insomnia. I feel tired not because my brain and my body seem to be at war sometimes. I feel tired not because I want to do what might be too much at this moment, when I should be resting. All this is true but what makes me very tired is frustration. READ MORE
Between Cork and Pin: the strange case of autism stereotypes
by Invisible Springs
I don’t think I need to list common autism stereotypes. Basically, if you’ve ever looked at the internet, watched the news or, you know, are human…you’ve heard them.
What I’d rather focus on are their consequences, because autism stereotypes are more than just bad information and lazy thinking. They actively impact and hurt folks on the spectrum. They shape how people view autism, and severely narrow down perceptions and expectations. It can be hard for autistics to thrive in life when they are perceived as “lost in their own world”, “emotionless” and so on. READ MORE
by Invisible Springs
I don’t think I need to list common autism stereotypes. Basically, if you’ve ever looked at the internet, watched the news or, you know, are human…you’ve heard them.
What I’d rather focus on are their consequences, because autism stereotypes are more than just bad information and lazy thinking. They actively impact and hurt folks on the spectrum. They shape how people view autism, and severely narrow down perceptions and expectations. It can be hard for autistics to thrive in life when they are perceived as “lost in their own world”, “emotionless” and so on. READ MORE
Managing Challenging Behaviors in Neurotypicals
by Restless Hands
[This is a long overdue repost from my old blog. It is both satire and very serious.It is satire in that it is very closely modeled on actual articles I see frequently online, and it borrows much of the tone and phrasing of those articles. It is serious in that I very much hope it will make the people who write, read, and share those articles think a little more deeply about what it feels like to be one of the people that those articles are about. It is also serious in that it is legitimate and honest advice for autistic people who find the actions of non-autistic people stressful and exhausting-- as most of us do at times. We, as much as anyone else, deserve to have that stress and frustration openly acknowledged. But I also hope that by turning the spotlight back on the majority, I can make them a little more aware that even their gentlest and most loving advice can feel very uncomfortable to those being singled out as the cause of that frustration.] READ MORE
by Restless Hands
[This is a long overdue repost from my old blog. It is both satire and very serious.It is satire in that it is very closely modeled on actual articles I see frequently online, and it borrows much of the tone and phrasing of those articles. It is serious in that I very much hope it will make the people who write, read, and share those articles think a little more deeply about what it feels like to be one of the people that those articles are about. It is also serious in that it is legitimate and honest advice for autistic people who find the actions of non-autistic people stressful and exhausting-- as most of us do at times. We, as much as anyone else, deserve to have that stress and frustration openly acknowledged. But I also hope that by turning the spotlight back on the majority, I can make them a little more aware that even their gentlest and most loving advice can feel very uncomfortable to those being singled out as the cause of that frustration.] READ MORE
To The Woman Who Pitied Me for Having an Autistic Child: Happiness Has Many Forms
by Creigh at Autism Spectrum Explained
You approached me after the movie as the child on the spectrum was telling me excitedly about the movie “Home”. You didn’t say much, simply tapped me lightly on the shoulder as you walked and as you passed me you whispered with tears in your voice, “Bless you.” It was literally only a second long interaction, but every bit of your voice was packed with utter sincerity. I had feared people approaching me with anger, but instead you came to me with compassion. And for that, I very much thank you. I truly wish there were more people like you in the world – people who viewed the world through a paradigm of love, rather than anger.
I’ll be honest – I was a bit speechless at first. There was so much I had to say, but either to keep our conversation hidden from the child in question or because you were busy with (presumably) your own family, by the time I turned around all I got was a glimpse of your face and then you were gone. Driven by the urge to say something, and at least acknowledge your kind intentions, I called at your back, “Thank you?” Yes, there was a question mark. And I suppose the question mark will have to contain everything that I had to leave unsaid at the time.
As you’ve read by now, I truly did mean the thank you. Your intentions were the best, and the world could always use more blessings. Yet, the question mark arrived from what the words and the tone of your voice and even your facial expression strongly and unmistakably conveyed: pity.
I appreciate your blessings, really I do. And I see where you’re coming from, having only witnessed the encounter on the surface. But allow me to explain what was really going on from my perspective.
In my view, I had just had an awesome time with two great kids I love dearly. I’m sure I looked a bit haggard – but that’s because I was fighting off a burgeoning migraine from the bright movie screen and loud speakers, not because of the kids. Sure, the child on the spectrum was a bit all over the place, and, yes, I did have to restrain him from running out of the aisle. But I loved watching the movie with him and his brother.
Hearing his infectious belly laugh (I dare you to listen and not smile), watching him play pretend with pieces of popcorn of all things (which, as I said, is really cool – in case you didn’t know, playing pretend is something a lot of kids on the spectrum struggle with, and I will never tire of watching him do it), bouncing him on my legs and giving him bear hugs for sensory stimulation (which I thoroughly enjoyed doing), hearing him talk to the movie (which is something I actually worked hard to get him to do at home, not realizing that would generalize to the movie theater – hearing him ask those ‘wh-’ questions, though, I still have no regrets), it was all fantastic! READ MORE
by Creigh at Autism Spectrum Explained
You approached me after the movie as the child on the spectrum was telling me excitedly about the movie “Home”. You didn’t say much, simply tapped me lightly on the shoulder as you walked and as you passed me you whispered with tears in your voice, “Bless you.” It was literally only a second long interaction, but every bit of your voice was packed with utter sincerity. I had feared people approaching me with anger, but instead you came to me with compassion. And for that, I very much thank you. I truly wish there were more people like you in the world – people who viewed the world through a paradigm of love, rather than anger.
I’ll be honest – I was a bit speechless at first. There was so much I had to say, but either to keep our conversation hidden from the child in question or because you were busy with (presumably) your own family, by the time I turned around all I got was a glimpse of your face and then you were gone. Driven by the urge to say something, and at least acknowledge your kind intentions, I called at your back, “Thank you?” Yes, there was a question mark. And I suppose the question mark will have to contain everything that I had to leave unsaid at the time.
As you’ve read by now, I truly did mean the thank you. Your intentions were the best, and the world could always use more blessings. Yet, the question mark arrived from what the words and the tone of your voice and even your facial expression strongly and unmistakably conveyed: pity.
I appreciate your blessings, really I do. And I see where you’re coming from, having only witnessed the encounter on the surface. But allow me to explain what was really going on from my perspective.
In my view, I had just had an awesome time with two great kids I love dearly. I’m sure I looked a bit haggard – but that’s because I was fighting off a burgeoning migraine from the bright movie screen and loud speakers, not because of the kids. Sure, the child on the spectrum was a bit all over the place, and, yes, I did have to restrain him from running out of the aisle. But I loved watching the movie with him and his brother.
Hearing his infectious belly laugh (I dare you to listen and not smile), watching him play pretend with pieces of popcorn of all things (which, as I said, is really cool – in case you didn’t know, playing pretend is something a lot of kids on the spectrum struggle with, and I will never tire of watching him do it), bouncing him on my legs and giving him bear hugs for sensory stimulation (which I thoroughly enjoyed doing), hearing him talk to the movie (which is something I actually worked hard to get him to do at home, not realizing that would generalize to the movie theater – hearing him ask those ‘wh-’ questions, though, I still have no regrets), it was all fantastic! READ MORE