As parents, we want our kids to be safe, to feel loved, to become their best selves. Parents of autistic children want more. They want their kids to have the supports they need to get the most out of life. They want their kids to be understood and accepted for who they are.
After an Autism Diagnosis: 13 Crucial Next Steps For Parents
by Shannon Des Roches Rosa
If your child has recently been diagnosed with autism, as my son was in 2003, here's what I want you to know: Learn from me, don't be me.
When professionals first started suggesting that my Leo might be autistic, I reeled. I didn't know anything about autism at the time, except as disability version of a child-stealing bogeyman. When my son's diagnosis was confirmed, I was terrified. And then I was depressed. And then I got to work on figuring out how to parent an autistic kid. And then I made a lot of mistakes. And then I rued those mistakes and tried to do better. And then I wished it hadn't taken me so damn long to figure out the best ways to support, help, advocate for, and express my love for my now-teen son—who has always deserved better than a reeling, terrified, depressed, confused, and regretful mom. READ MORE
by Shannon Des Roches Rosa
If your child has recently been diagnosed with autism, as my son was in 2003, here's what I want you to know: Learn from me, don't be me.
When professionals first started suggesting that my Leo might be autistic, I reeled. I didn't know anything about autism at the time, except as disability version of a child-stealing bogeyman. When my son's diagnosis was confirmed, I was terrified. And then I was depressed. And then I got to work on figuring out how to parent an autistic kid. And then I made a lot of mistakes. And then I rued those mistakes and tried to do better. And then I wished it hadn't taken me so damn long to figure out the best ways to support, help, advocate for, and express my love for my now-teen son—who has always deserved better than a reeling, terrified, depressed, confused, and regretful mom. READ MORE
Acceptance by A Diary of a Mom
There is no chain so strong as that of unfulfilled expectation.
No tether more binding than that which holds to the anchor of an image of a life one believes should have been theirs.
Acceptance is not resignation.
It is not a declaration of surrender.
Rather, when truly and deeply drunk it is the draught that changes the fight – no longer againstwhat is but for what can be.
Acceptance transforms.
READ MORE
There is no chain so strong as that of unfulfilled expectation.
No tether more binding than that which holds to the anchor of an image of a life one believes should have been theirs.
Acceptance is not resignation.
It is not a declaration of surrender.
Rather, when truly and deeply drunk it is the draught that changes the fight – no longer againstwhat is but for what can be.
Acceptance transforms.
READ MORE
Responding to Challenging Situations with Your Autistic Child
by Thoughts of an Introverted Matriarch
"...What if I told you all that 80% of the issues that I see parents (and school staff) face with their autistic kids can be resolved by viewing it in a different perspective? Would you be interested in learning a different way to interact with your child so that meltdowns, and arguments don't ensue so frequently?
The biggest mistakes I see most parents make with their autistic children are
that they- 1: Read intent into the child's actions that is not there. 2: Expect the child to operate well above their emotional capability within that moment."... READ MORE:
by Thoughts of an Introverted Matriarch
"...What if I told you all that 80% of the issues that I see parents (and school staff) face with their autistic kids can be resolved by viewing it in a different perspective? Would you be interested in learning a different way to interact with your child so that meltdowns, and arguments don't ensue so frequently?
The biggest mistakes I see most parents make with their autistic children are
that they- 1: Read intent into the child's actions that is not there. 2: Expect the child to operate well above their emotional capability within that moment."... READ MORE:
The Impact of Acceptance and Non-Acceptance
by Emma's Hope Book
"...Yesterday I wrote about acceptance, specifically acceptance of one’s Autistic child by a parent. Parents who do not accept their “child’s autism” often feel criticized and bristle at the perceived implication that they do not “love” their child, “correctly”, “in the right way” or “enough”. I know how completely uninterested I was in the idea of acceptance when I was engaged in an all out battle with Emma’s autism, intent on extricating her from its gnarled grasp. (This last sentence was very much in keeping with how I thought of autism at the time.) What I didn’t consider, what I didn’t know to consider, was Steve and every single person who is autistic who feels the way Steve does.
My inability to accept my daughter’s autism impacts her. Just as I cannot extricate the Autistic parts of her, I cannot pluck out the “autism” from how she sees herself. My non-acceptance, as well intended, as well-meaning as it was, was still felt by her as a criticism of her. But I didn’t know that at the time." READ MORE
by Emma's Hope Book
"...Yesterday I wrote about acceptance, specifically acceptance of one’s Autistic child by a parent. Parents who do not accept their “child’s autism” often feel criticized and bristle at the perceived implication that they do not “love” their child, “correctly”, “in the right way” or “enough”. I know how completely uninterested I was in the idea of acceptance when I was engaged in an all out battle with Emma’s autism, intent on extricating her from its gnarled grasp. (This last sentence was very much in keeping with how I thought of autism at the time.) What I didn’t consider, what I didn’t know to consider, was Steve and every single person who is autistic who feels the way Steve does.
My inability to accept my daughter’s autism impacts her. Just as I cannot extricate the Autistic parts of her, I cannot pluck out the “autism” from how she sees herself. My non-acceptance, as well intended, as well-meaning as it was, was still felt by her as a criticism of her. But I didn’t know that at the time." READ MORE
On Feelings of Guilt in Parents
Don't feel ashamed. We've all been where you are. But what matters most isn't where you've been, but where you're going. My sister and I have to argue with our own mother all the time, because she and our other relatives feel terrible for not having realized all along Caley's own thoughts about being Autistic. Now they read our blog and are pretty frequently ridden with guilt when we talk about Caley's true feelings and experiences, because, well, holding yourself to the standard of perfection is one of those things parents tend to do, never mind that they would have hada to read minds in order to know what Caley's now expressing.
But here's what we tell our mom every single time. You didn't know. When Caley was diagnosed, everyone told you to grieve, to mourn for your lost child, to regret all that she could have been and would never be, and to fight autism for all you're worth. (A psychologist literally told her these things. And even though I hope psychologists aren't still saying that, that is the message we get from society about autism to this day.) You believed them. Because you didn't know, and you could not have known based off of the information that you had. Now you do know, and you're acting on that knowledge. And that, that's the important thing. Guilt paralyzes - knowledge empowers. READ MORE
Don't feel ashamed. We've all been where you are. But what matters most isn't where you've been, but where you're going. My sister and I have to argue with our own mother all the time, because she and our other relatives feel terrible for not having realized all along Caley's own thoughts about being Autistic. Now they read our blog and are pretty frequently ridden with guilt when we talk about Caley's true feelings and experiences, because, well, holding yourself to the standard of perfection is one of those things parents tend to do, never mind that they would have hada to read minds in order to know what Caley's now expressing.
But here's what we tell our mom every single time. You didn't know. When Caley was diagnosed, everyone told you to grieve, to mourn for your lost child, to regret all that she could have been and would never be, and to fight autism for all you're worth. (A psychologist literally told her these things. And even though I hope psychologists aren't still saying that, that is the message we get from society about autism to this day.) You believed them. Because you didn't know, and you could not have known based off of the information that you had. Now you do know, and you're acting on that knowledge. And that, that's the important thing. Guilt paralyzes - knowledge empowers. READ MORE
Why My Son Doesn’t Make Me a “Special Kind of Person”
by Ellen Stumbo (Guest Post by Mary Evelyn Smith)
In 2012 when my son was born with spina bifida, a birth defect of the spine, I joined the ranks of millions of people worldwide who love someone with a disability. I’ve learned a lot in the year since—how to find the best wheelchair accessible parks, how to schedule multiple therapists, how to be a mom. But more than that, I learned that I am “a special kind of person.” At least that’s what people told me. READ MORE
by Ellen Stumbo (Guest Post by Mary Evelyn Smith)
In 2012 when my son was born with spina bifida, a birth defect of the spine, I joined the ranks of millions of people worldwide who love someone with a disability. I’ve learned a lot in the year since—how to find the best wheelchair accessible parks, how to schedule multiple therapists, how to be a mom. But more than that, I learned that I am “a special kind of person.” At least that’s what people told me. READ MORE